For as long as women have been in the workforce there has been an ongoing debate regarding working moms vs stay at home moms. Then there are the moms that stay home while their kids are little and go back to work when they are school age. After some recent conversations with some working mom friends it got me thinking about a twist to this. We were discussing the flexibility needed in your work schedule for our middle school age daughters who are heavily involved in sports. How many parents, especially moms feel the pressure of trying to be at early games or pick up from practices all while holding a full time job.
I have always been a working mom. Unfortunately, my husband and I made some poor financial choices when we were first married so I had to work full time. When I became pregnant I had just finished my masters degree and felt like I could not waste the time and effort I put into my degree.
When my daughter was a baby I worked up to four jobs to help make ends meet. I worked my full time job, plus 2-3 on call jobs. All while my husband was working 50-60 hours a week. I can remember countless times I would sit in my car at work crying feeling like a terrible mom because I worked so much and she was in childcare. Or me just getting home from my primary job and being called into to one of my on call jobs, leaving my husband with our baby for the night.
I was fortunate that we were able to find some pretty amazing childcare providers who treated my daughter like their own. Being an only child I knew being around other kids was a benefit to her. We did not have family nearby that were able to help out, but we have had some pretty amazing friends who have been like family to us. As a mom it did not make it any easier when I would get photos of her doing something fun while I was working, but was always glad of her to have those experiences.
As my daughter grew I also grew in my profession. I was able to get advancements, further my education and get licensed. None of these were easy. When my daughter was in elementary school I was testing for my social work license. I failed the first two times I took it. My daughter watched me study for hours. I missed out on weekend time together to still fail. I did not give up and on the third time I passed and became a licensed clinical social worker. The look on her face when I told her I passed was priceless. She was so proud of me.
As I grew in my career and made smarter financial choices, I was able to give up my on call positions and just work a full time job. I started having a little more free time to go to school events and coach various sports she played. I started having my weekends back allowing for more family time.
When my daughter was in her last year of elementary school I got a phone call for a job offer. I was not looking for a job as I was content where I was. When this potential employer reviewed the job it sounded interesting as I would get to start my own Oncology Social Work program and make it my own. I would also be able to specialize, which I have learned is a smart career move. The job was further away from home and they wanted 40 hours a week. I was honest and told them that at this time in my life I wanted to work less and have more flexibility in my schedule. They called back in less than 24 hours and offered me a few less hours a week with everything else the same. After much consideration my husband and I felt like I would be crazy to pass this up. I was a little nervous about having a a hour and a half round trip commute each day, but decided to give it a try,
Now four years later I have built a successful oncology social work program at my place of employment and able to make my own hours to fit my patients and family needs. With my daughter being in middle school this has allowed me to rarely miss one of her 3:30pm games, home or away. With having less stress with my professional career I am able to focus more on my daughter and our home life. With that being said I cannot forget the work my husband has put into his professional career. He has moved into management, is working less hours and has more flexibility so he is able to make all of her home games and a few away games. The best part is my daughter does not remember that time in our lives when my husband and I were working crazy hours.
Being able to spend more time with my daughter in her preteen and teen years, especially in the car between practices, has prompted many great conversations. I feel she is able to be open and honest with me.
For the young career woman out there do not feel like you have to give up your career when you have a child. Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is put the time and effort in when you and your child are young, which may allow you more time in their middle school and high school years. Yes, I understand that is not true with every profession, but I feel if you put the work in when you are young you have more opportunities for flexibility in your later years in your profession. You also have more energy when you are younger. I cannot imagine having to get up in the middle of the night to go to work now. Even if I could, I do not believe I would give up my profession and be a full time stay a home mom. At this time I am able to have the best of both worlds as a mom and a Social Worker. Even though that time in our life was very difficult and tested our relationship at times, my husband and I are glad we put the time and effort into our career when we did.
