“Adult friendships are hard.” I cannot tell you how many times I have been with someone or with a group of women and this topic comes up. Why is it so hard to find or maintain friendships as adults?
When we are in our teens and early 20’s our friends are our lifeline. There are constant parties, celebrations and just simple get together’s. As adulthood goes on, we start our careers, get married, buy a house and have children, not necessarily in that order, but our social life goes to the wayside. You may have the occasional get together and then there is the common phrase, “let’s get together soon, call me, text me.” Then those calls and texts never happen. It doesn’t mean we don’t care about these people or we don’t want to spend time with them, but between balancing relationships, careers, kids and household responsibilities it can be difficult to find the time and energy. So how do we fix it?
As stated in my popular blog post, Why I Don’t Have a Group of Girlfriends, I am fortunate to have a variety of friendships, but it doesn’t mean I’m great about keeping up with them. Have you heard the saying, you never regret a workout? I feel the same way about spending time with friends. I may feel too tired or not have the energy, but once I spend time with my friends I always feel energized and wonder why I don’t do it more often.
This past year I wanted to improve my relationships with my friends. Having a teenage daughter I feel it is important to show her what healthy female friendships look like. I made a pact with myself that I would reach out to a friend daily. This could be a phone call, text, or get together. I know it sounds like a lot, but thanks to modern technology it’s pretty easy. Something amazing happened by doing this. I felt better connected to the people I care about. I have reconnected with friends, made more in person plans and kept them, had some amazing conversations and just overall good times.
You may be reading this and thinking, this is all great, but what if I don’t have anyone I can reach out to. This is where you need to do some self exploration. Outside of your career, family, household responsibilities what are your interests, hobbies, what do you feel passionate about. It may take some time to figure out. This is where the hard part comes in. Get out of the house and start exploring these interests. Sitting behind a screen joining difficult social media groups are not going to provide you the in person connections we need.
If you like exercise join a class or a gym, if you like nature join a hiking group or attend a event at your local outdoor center. Are you a foodie, enjoy wine or craft beers, check out local events at restaurants. Love animals, volunteer at an animal shelter. Love arts and crafts, see what groups your local library has to offer. Have kids, scheduled a play date at the local playground with one of your kids friends and their parent.
I know it can be challenging putting yourself out there and you probably won’t find a friend right away, but you will find something you enjoy and in return can provide connection with others, which can turn into friendships. If you find this all too overwhelming or anxiety provoking, I highly recommend scheduling a couple visits with a theraepist to work through these thoughts and feelings.
So ladies ages 30 and older lets change the stigma that adult friendships are hard. I would love to know how you stay in touch with your friends.
